DEAR BRIAN

DEAR BRIAN, 

Hey! This is you writing to you , a little weird huh ?

I am writing this letter to you  with some concerns that about you.

I hope with this letter I can vent to you and maybe find some solutions to my concerns.

Lately you have been going through a tough season in your life and I have noticed it has been bringing you down.

Honestly , I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but what I don't like the bitterness that has engulfed your joy.

You are married  to a beautiful lady  , your rent and bills are paid , and you have plenty of food.

An yet the way you come off is that is not enough  , how come ? Why is it a struggle for you to be content?

Now wait a minute , don't get me twisted , I don't think you actually feel this way. But just want to make you aware on how come off at times .

   

Here is what I actually think has you frustrated :

1,  You feel like you have not reached your full potential/ think it may be too late.

2.  You keep putting yourself down.

  

3.  You let anger consume you and it causes you to lash out .

I know in the beginning of this letter  I said maybe we can find out solutions to my concerns , but you know what , I think you know what those solutions are . 

 I know people close to you have counseled you and have giving you advice ,  my advice take a some of it to heart but also follow your heart . Stop letting man's opinion rule your life ! Lean on God's understanding !

   

 Love you know who

Leeman's Healthier Me Update !

As promised I am giving you update on my weight loss/a healthier me journey, remember I will be updated you every two weeks  on my weight loss/ a healthier me journey.

 I weighed myself this morning and i am down to 302 , so far I have lost 8lbs .
Though it is awesome that i lost  3 pounds within the last two weeks , I feel I should have lost more .
So a couple things I need to change up is cut down on my calories at dinner times , basically find better dinners that I am willing to eat .
2nd , I need to start going for walks on the days I don't go to the gym .
3rd , I need put on my big boy underwear and start juicing.
An lastley , maybe find some protein shakes to replace meals.

So this is my update , I hoping in two weeks I will be able to tell you i lost 5 to 10 pounds .
Until next time , GET YOU HEALTHY PEOPLES !!!!

“The greatest wealth is health.”  – Virgil
 

Leemans Song Of The Week!

This weeks song Let You Down is by Rapper NF .

Here is info on NF:

Nathan John Feuerstein (/ˈfɔɪ.ərstaɪn/; born March 30, 1991), known by his stage name NF, is an American rapper, artist and songwriter, who has charted in both the Christian hip hop and mainstream hip hop markets. He released an extended play in 2014 with Capitol CMG, NF, which was his breakthrough release on the Billboard charts. He has released three studio albums: Mansion in 2015, Therapy Session in 2016 and Perception, released October 6, 2017.

Although he is a Christian, he does not consider himself a Christian rapper. NF calls himself "just an artist who makes music for everybody". ( source wikipedia )

When I heard NF  was on track By Flame , called Start Over . Nf just did vocals for song , not rap , an I was not feeling him at first.  

Then I heard NF's Song Mansion , Bruh...................................................................................!!!!!!!!!!!

I can relate to Mansion so much , these are the lyrics hit me  the most :

And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am
And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can
Shrug it off like it ain't nothing, like it's out of my hands
Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans
And I regret watchin' these trust issues eat me alive
And at the rate I'm goin', they'll probably still be there when I die
Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind
The question is, will I ever clean the walls off in time?

Now on to the song of week Let You Down .

I love the rawness of this song and he wrestles with letting himself down earlier in his life.

How I relate to this song is that lately , I feel like I have let people close to me down . 

An honestly , some days I just don't the energy to fight whatever demon or demons are on my back.

Sidenote : I am thankful for those close to me for keeping me going and keep grounded .

Here are my lyrics that hit me hard in Let You Down:

Yeah, you don't wanna make this work
You just wanna make this worse
Want me to listen to you, but you don't ever hear my words
You don't wanna know my hurt yet
Let me guess, you want an apology, probably
How can we keep going at a rate like this?
We can't, so I guess I'ma have to leave
Please, don't come after me
I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all
Go ahead, just drink it off
Both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong
Ain't that what you always do?
I feel like every time I talk to you, you're in an awful mood
What else can I offer you?

There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you 

Here is NF'S Let You Down :

GOING THROUGH A TOUGH SEASON

For the past 7 months I have been going through a tough season in my life , sometimes it feels like hell.

Let me give you some background on one of the toughest seasons in my life.

At the end of September of last year , after two months of clear thinking and prayer , I quit my full time job at a call center.
The main reasons why I quit that job is  :
 1.  They started to mess with my hours by saying those were not my hours and I was leaving too early .

2.  I was selling male enhancement products and the client was shady. at one point he ran out of product for almost two months, an would give us dates when the products were available and when those dates would come , no product .  Two months later the products were finally in the warehouse .
 
3.A couple of people who were at this call center for at least four months were promoted before some of us who been there longer and put more work in then them. One was promoted to human resources and one was promoted to a team lead . Now I'm not jealous of these people, good for them moving up,  It is just there was people who been there since day one that got looked over because they don't kiss up to the powers that be .

So for last seven months I have been looking for work  and it has been tough !
I have had some interviews were it looked like I was going to get the job but ends up being a dead end.
I did up getting a " part time job" at a discount retail store but I did end up quitting that job because basically it was a on call job were there would potentially be weeks without hours for me .
So I am back on the search , which I have some good leads this week .
I had interview at a local grocery store near and I should have interview with a local gas station  next week , so things are sort of looking up for me.
The reason I say sorta of  is because I have been down this road before , not that I don't have hope , It is just simply like I have stated above , It looks like I am going to get the job but then it becomes a dead end.

Now you are probably asking how I have been dealing with this tough season in my life , especially If you are close to me you are probably asking that question.

It has been a mixture of being mad at myself , being mad at the world , and being mad at God .
The reason for my anger is that I feel that like I have failed at life and wish I made  better choices before I got saved .  Don't get me twisted , I don't see myself as a victim , I 100% take responsibility for the choices I have made . 
The reason I was mad at God ( which I know some of you holly rollers are like , how dare you be mad at God and question Him) is because I thought he had called me to be as pastor or some type of minister but according to those that really close to me, allegedly God has spoken to them and  apparently I am not suppose to  be a pastor or a minster . Right now I am in place were I'm not mad at God but hurt.  I don't want to be a pastor or minster because of the attention or recognition but to lead people to Christ and I just love to speak to people on how Christ can give them freedom.
There are days were I am not sure if I want to have anything to do with ministry then I have days were I say to myself . stop acting like a child , there are other things in ministry you can do ! 

So this is were I am at right now !
I do believe at some point things will turn around because I know God has something lined up for me , I just need to keep leaning on his understanding , not my own . 
So for those like me going through a tough season like i want to leave you with some verses and encouraging quotes that are helping get through this tough season

Proverbs 3:5-7(CEV)

5 With all your heart
you must trust the Lord
    and not your own judgment.
6 Always let him lead you,
    and he will clear the road
    for you to follow.
7 Don’t ever think that you
    are wise enough,
    but respect the Lord

    and stay away from evil.. 

Psalm 34:17-18 (CEV)

17 When his people pray for help,
    he listens and rescues them
    from their troubles.
18 The Lord is there to rescue
all
    who are discouraged
    and have given up hope.

Isaiah 40:28-31  (CEV)

28 Don’t you know?
    Haven’t you heard?
The Lord is the eternal God,
    Creator of the earth.
He never gets weary or tired;
his wisdom cannot be measured.

29 The Lord gives strength
    to those who are weary.
30 Even young people get tired,
    then stumble and fall.
31 But those who trust the Lord
    will find new strength.
They will be strong like eagles
    soaring upward on wings;
they will walk and run
    without getting tired.

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. ~ Robert Schuller

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. ~ Martin Luther King

God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them. ~ C.S. Lewis

The Bible is God’s chart for you to steer by, to keep you from the bottom of the sea, and to show you where the harbor is, and how to reach it without running on rocks or bars. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

I LOVE HIP HOP !

When I was eight years old I heard Will Smith's song Miami , I was like ooooooh what is this ?
Then on a bus ride to school someone played I'll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy feat. Faith Evans and 112, I knew I needed to hear more!
During a winter vacation day camp at local YMCA , I snuck up to the rec room and turned on the tv to MTV ( back when they played music videos ) ,  an I was introduced to Naughty By Nature and The Fugees . The songs were OOP ( not a song a little one should listen too lol)  and Killing Me Softly ( which is originally by Roberta Flack).
Wasn't until 1999 when Eminem's My Name is did I really get into Rap/Hip-Hop.
Like most white kids during that time I fell in love Eminem , mainly because we could relate in some way to his music.
Because of Eminem , I was introduced to Dr. Dre , Snoop Dogg , Xzbit , and many more .
Then as I got older I got more into Rap/Hip-Hop, started listening to Jay-Z , 2Pac, Notorious BIG, Wu-Tang Clan , Master P , Bow Wow , Ja Rule , 50 Cent , Nas , and many more .
At age 20 I gave my life to Christ and was introduced to Christian rap.
I thought it was corny at first but found some Christian Rappers I liked ,  Lecrae, This'l, Flame, Trip Lee, T-bone , and Grits .
Right now I have a love and hate relationship with Christian Rap  because a lot of Christian rappers are trying to sound like these mainstream mumble rappers. Plus some self righteous Christian Rappers think they are more holy because they decided to stay in there small circle of fans . When Lecrae decides to have a mainstream rapper or singer on one of his track's , some Christian Rappers hasto be legalistic and go on some holy than thou bull an crap on Lecrae .

Right I listen to listen to a mixture of Mainstream and Christian Rappers.
So I thought it would cool to share my ten Rappers that I am listening right now ! ( no particular order)

10.  KB

9.  Chance The Rapper

8.  Eminem

7.  This'l

6.  Rick Ross

5. Kendrick Lamar

4. Lecrae

3. J Cole

2.  NF

1. 2Pac

Hip Hop will always be a part of my life and I hope if I do have kids or a kid , that I can pass on my love for Hip Hop .

“Hip-hop gave a generation a common ground that didn't require either race to lose anything; everyone gained.” 
― Jay-Z, Decoded

Three Things That Are Bugging Leeman Right Now

This is going to be a weekly blog entry were I share three things that are bugging me .

The Topics are going to be random and sometimes controversial, so buckle up  ! 

1.  The J Cole VS Kendrick Lamar aka who is the better MC

Why are we comparing theses great mc's ? When they are in two different lanes?

In my opinion, J Cole has that erykah badu woke vibe / Tribe Called Quest type of flow . 

An Kendrick Lamar has that blues/soulful type of flow . I don't think it is fair to compare the two mc's because the both bring something different to the Table .

Honestly let's just enjoy both J Cole's and Kendrick Lamar's Music !

2.  Creepers At The Gym!

So I have been working out at a gym near me and I have noticed older men staring at me !

Most of time I am in my own little world but when I do look up , It always some older dude staring at me! Am I snack to theses older dudes ? Do they not notice the ring on my finger ?  Do they know that no means no ?!   

I know my booty is the bomb but I am not for sale sir!

3.  Why Are POP TARTS Still A Thing ?!?!

I'll admit I use to eat POP TARTS , loved the cinnamon one , but now they are one of the grossest things ever in my opinion.

Man .... POPTARTS are getting mad crazy with these new flavours , for example : root beer float , orange crush ,  jolly rancher cherry , watermelon , oreo , and there is a lot more crazy flavors too.

I remember when POP TARTS were consider a " breakfast item", but now they are path to sugar diabetes!   

Leemans Song of the Week

It is that time of the week were I share my song of the week !
This week's song is " Best Of You " by The Foo Fighters !

Foo Fighters is one of my favorite bands of all time .
Their sounds is so authentic and refreshing , their music inspires me to write.
My Hero is the first song that I heard from The Foo Fighters and I immediately became fan of The Foo Fighters .
I would love to see the live one day'

So here is their song "Best Of You "

Dear Brothers and Sisters In Christ

Dear Brother  And Sisters In Christ ,

I type this letter to my fellow Brothers and Sisters In Christ in regards to some issue that has me worried.

I think we need to talk  and so I hope this will be encouragement. 

In this letter I will address the issue of the lack unity in the church today.

Ephesians 4:1-6(CEV)

Unity with Christ

4 As a prisoner of the Lord, I beg you to live in a way that is worthy of the people God has chosen to be his own. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Patiently put up with each other and love each other. 3 Try your best to let God’s Spirit keep your hearts united. Do this by living at peace. 4 All of you are part of the same body. There is only one Spirit of God, just as you were given one hope when you were chosen to be God’s people. 5 We have only one Lord, one faith, and one baptism. 6 There is one God who is the Father of all people. Not only is God above all others, but he works by using all of us, and he lives in all of us.

Philippians 2:2(CEV)

2 Now make me completely happy! Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person.

Psalm 133:1-3(CEV)

(A song for worship.)

Living Together in Peace

133 It is truly wonderful
    when relatives live together
    in peace.
2 It is as beautiful as olive oil
    poured on Aaron’s head[a]
    and running down his beard
    and the collar of his robe.
3 It is like the dew
from Mount Hermon,
    falling on Zion’s mountains,
where the Lord has promised
to bless his people
    with life forevermore.

As you can see in these scriptures , we are called to be united !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet we are not in full unity but divided like high school cliques!

" Today, the NCC (National Council of Churches) is a joint venture of 35 Christian denominations in the United States with 100,000 local congregations and 45,000,000 adherents. Its member communions include Mainline Protestant, Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, African-American, Evangelical and historic Peace churches."  ( Wikipedia)

Thirty-five denominations  , word ?  

Can you imagine what would happen if all thirty-five denominations were in unity? Imagine how many lost souls we could reach ! Imagine how many people would set free from addictions of all kinds !

You may be asking what about are theological differences ?  What about the universal churches who don't think homesexauility is a sin ? What abour our diffrent taste of worship music? What about our different political stances  ?  

 I have one answer for that ..................................................................

 LET'S TALK LIKE GROWN ADULTS AND DISCUSS !

One of the biggest things that the church lacks is ........ Communication!!!!!!!

Yes I know that we are not going to agree on everything but thats okay!

I am not asking for us to become one church , what I am asking is for us to honor God's Holy Word ! Unity is possible!

In closing, Our biggest goal should be to see lost souls repent , surrender their lives to Christ , and help them gain freedom from chains that weigh their souls down !

I type this letter in love and pray that one day we can come together in unity !

To a true child of God, the invisible bond that unites all believers to Christ is far more tender, and lasting, and precious; and, as we come to recognize and realize that we are all dwelling in one sphere of life in Him, we learn to look on every believer as our brother, in a sense that is infinitely higher than all human relationships. This is the one and only way to bring disciples permanently together. All other plans for promoting the unity of the Church have failed.- A.T. Pierson

Love your Brother in Christ ,

Brian Luke Leeman

Can I Brag On My Wife ?

This lovely lady is my wife Lydia !!!!!!

Lydia is my rock , we have been through so much together ! 

Lydia has been the lighthouse that has kept us in the right direction.

Lydia is that ray of sun that pierces my dark clouds when I am feeling down.

Lydia  is kind , humble , smart , beautiful Godly woman. 

We have been in a rough season financially and she has been working hard to make sure we are okay .

Lydia, when I get working again, I am going to spoil you like the queen you are , thank you for all the hard work you have been doing !

I knew Lydia was the one for me when I became homeless and  she did not leave me . She was one of the few people who stood by me during that dark time .

Lydia has been a great supporter for me getting healthy , Lydia , thank you for pushing me to be a better me !

In closing my beautiful lady  , I leave you with is poem . Love You Lydia !!!

That Someone Special

© Richard N. Cook

She is the apple of my eye,
The reason that I live.
She is all that I could wish for.
My heart to her I give.

It is for that someone special
These words that I do pen,
To thank her for always being
My wife and my best friend.

She has the will to live until
The last breath she does take.
There is the love within her heart,
Such good memories to make.

She is the sunshine in my morning,
The star that's in my sky,
And if I should ever lose her,
Then I would surely die.

She stands always at my side,
No matter what comes our way.
She comforts me with steadfast love
Each and every day.

She carries many burdens,
And her heart is sometimes broken
By all the thanks she never gets
And all the words unspoken.

I know her life is not her own.
I always seem so needy,
And asking her to do one more thing,
I feel so really greedy.

How can I ever thank her
For all she has done for me?
I can only give her all my heart
And love her to eternity.

I hope that when the end comes,
And she meets God face to face,
He will tell her that in Heaven
She has a special place.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/that-someone-special  

My Weight Loss/ A Healthier Journey

So about 2 months ago I was having coffee with my pastor and were just talking about life in general.
One of the topics that was brought up was my weight and my health.
Out of all the things my pastor said about my health was this statement that woke me up , " Brian, if you gain another fifty pounds you will not be able to hardly move at all ".

Wow ........ that shook me to my core !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to share how I got so big and what I am doing about it.
I hope this inspires you to get healthy and become a better you !

So let's go back to when I was child , I was a very picky eater but loved and still do love sweets.
When I was twelve I was in a group home for anger issues and because of my picky eating problem , I was underweight for my age.
They would try to force me eat things I didn't like by sending me to bed early if I did not eat what was presented in front of me .
Well me being stubborn as hell I fought all the way, an could have cared less if they did send me to bed early.
So they started finding things I would eat and started gaining weight , but also started bad eating habits. I fell in love with pizza , fudge,  meatball subs , chinese food , and anything fried.

As I got older and got more into drugs and drinking , i did not eat as much , so my bad eating habits did not affect weight but it probably did affect my insides lol.
When I decided to get clean in 2009, I started to gain weight . Then in 2010 I gave up smoking cigarettes and cigars , that is when I started to emotionally eat heavily. In 2010 I went from 150 pounds to 210 pounds.
The fall of 2011 I did start eating somewhat better and jogged for 45 mins , six days a week.
I lost 60 pounds that year and I got myself back down to 150 pounds.

Then 2012 I fell into a deep depression and gain the the 60 pounds back plus 20 more pounds .
From 2012 to this year my weight has up and down , when I broke my foot in 2015 is when it got really bad .  I could do nothing but lie down ,  I also eat a lot and I mean a lot .

In 2016 I reached my highest weight , 322 pounds . I was able to get it down to 310 in 2017 but I gave up and my weight would go from 310 - 319 .

So here is what I am doing right now !
I am going to Planet Fitness two to three times a week working out like a beast !
I am cutting down my portions and trying to eat breakfast in the morning so I don't over snack mid morning.
At some point  I will be juicing veggies , fruits , and other healthy stuff to help out with getting more healthy.
The wife and will be starting to go hiking and go for walks/ .

So right now I am at 305 pounds and my goal is to get 165 pounds by May sixth of next year.

  I hope that I can be some type of inspiration to you if you are struggling with being overweight .
I will keep you updated with a blog post entry every two weeks entitled . " Leeman's Healthier Me Update !" .


Good health is not something we can buy. However, it can be an extremely valuable savings account. Anne Wilson Schaef

Leemans song of the week !

So each week I will share a song that I love or has had a impact on me .
This week's song is Cry For You by Lecrae feat. Taylor Hill.
Lecrae was the first Christian rapper I listened too when I got saved back in '09 , bruh...... Lecrae's music has changed my life !
The first song I heard from Lecrae is " Don't Waste Your Life!" , That changed my thinking on how I viewed my time here on earth and how I live my life.
In a blog entry in the near future I will be talking more about Lecrae and Christian rap.
But for now here is Lecrae Feat Taylor Hill Cry for You!

New Blog , New Beginning , And A Little About Leeman

Well I am back people's!!!!!!!

Honestly I did not think I would blog again, but again ,  I AM BACK PEOPLE'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The main reason I had quit blogging is because I had not seen success and a lack of support from those close to me. Don't get me wrong , I have a few who were supporting my dream as blogger, an I thank those people for having my back. 

I have come to a conclusion that I need to stop caring about the ones who don't support my dream and focus on he ones who do .  So here's to a new start !!!!

So I have done post like this before were I introduce myself to you . 

I am going to give some basic info about me and let you take a peak into my life.

I grew up in Lewiston, Maine with my Mom Nancy , my Dad Steve , and my younger brother Andrew . I have two older Step Sisters, Heather and Cassie .

At the age of 5 , I was molested by  a family member , who thank God is no longer with us  .

Not knowing how to deal with being molested, at age 8 I began cutting myself to deal with the pain.  I grew up in a Assembly's Of God Church , basically a pentecostal church.

At age 14 ,  I grew tried of church and Christianity all together , an started drinking and smoking pot.

At age 15, I got into pills and cocaine, an started dealing pills to support my habits.

At age 20 , 6/09/2009 , I got tired of drinking and doing drugs and decided to get sober .

At age 20 ,  10/25./2009, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ , I will always cherish that day because that's when I really began to live .

I have relapsed twice but it is God's Grace and Mercy that I have not gone back to full blown addictions. 

I went to bible school for a year , God blessed me with some great Godly friends to speak life  to me and to keep me grounded .
March of 2014 , i stopped cutting , its been four years since I last cut myself.
May 6 of 2017 , I got married to a beautiful Godly woman named Lydia . Next month we will be celebrating our first year anniversary of being married .


Now here is some other stuff about mauh !

Music:  Rap , Christian rap, Rock, Metal, Christian Metal, Christian Worship Music, Country, Jazz, Big Band And Swing , and Dub Step.

Movies : Horror, Action , Drama, Romance , and Fantasy.

Food: Pizza , Chicken , Pasta, Indian, and Chinese.

Comedians: Jim Gaffigan , Kevin Hart , Gary Owens, Lavell Crawford, Chris Rock , and Tracy Morgan.

Sports: Pro Wrestling , Football,Basketball , Soccer , MMA , and Baseball

Right now I am unemployed but I know God has something for me !
I am heavily involved in my local church , I do sound and video , an whatever else needs to be done.

So that is it ! I hope you will read my blog and share with your friends !


“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” 
― Robert Frost